Sometimes we don’t need encouragement

I’m not a big blog reader. If I’m in the mood to read I’d rather read a book or if I’m at the computer I want to be gaming but sometimes I have a little look through the ‘Discover’ feature here on WordPress or have a browse over on Bloglovin’ and I will find some real gems. I did this a couple of days ago and found “I’m Sick and So Are You“. The article that was linked inspired this one and the rest of her blog has some fantastic posts too.

The article I’ve linked above really hit home with me because it’s about what you need to hear (or not hear) when you’re recovering from a serious medical issue and every word she says is true. It’s not something that is easy to express or explain to someone else and you don’t even understand it yourself at times. The basic premise of the article is that if you’re having an off day it’s ok and it’s also ok to tell people that. It’s also not always ok for the other people to say “Oh don’t worry, you’ll heal.” We know we’ll heal. We may not heal 100%; something I’ve been able to do all my life I may never actually be able to do again but in 5 years I (hopefully) will be able to do more than I can now. That’s the point though; right now I’m not who I was. I can’t do everything I could. Yes it could be worse, it probably will get better but right now it isn’t and that’s what is so rubbish. Sometimes instead of the “look to the future” line people just need someone to empathise, to turn around and say “Yes, you know what? It sucks. I’m sorry it sucks for you. Here, have a chocolate/hug/let’s go laugh at people failing in painful ways on Youtube.”

I actually quite like this one but it's still true to my point. No, we don't always recover. If I don't get back to 100% now I'll feel like an even bigger failure!

I actually quite like this one but it’s still true to my point. No, we don’t always recover. If I don’t get back to 100% now I’ll feel like an even bigger failure!

I finally have my referral to the haematologist to see if they can tell me why I got a blood clot. I know there might not be any answers, it could still just be one of those things that happened and if that is the case then that’s fine. I have lots of questions that may differ depending on the results and that may not be answerable. One that I know isn’t answerable is how long until I’m back to normal. From reading other people’s experiences I know it differs massively. Some people are up and running as they were before after a few months. Others can’t ever go back to work and end up on benefits. I feel I’ve been lucky so far; I had one day off work for diagnosis and that was it. Ok I couldn’t walk for 6 weeks but now I’m back to walking 8 miles a day 5 days a week. On the other hand sitting still to watch a film in the cinema is a 2 hour marathon of jiggling my leg up and down because it’s too painful to sit there but I can’t very well stand up and walk about. I can’t do clubbercise or run up a flight of stairs. Horse riding will definitely be out the window for a long time if not forever. Crouching down is possible for only a minute at a time.

So next time someone is “having a moan” try to guage their emotional state. Sometimes the “It could be worse, look to the future” track is the right way to go and you should absolutely encourage them but just bear in mind that sometimes all they want is to know someone understands them right now, in this moment.

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